Poetry and readings at a funeral
Poems by Christina Rossetti, particularly ‘Let me go’ and ‘Remember’ are popular choices at many funerals. Mary Frye’s ‘Do not stand at my grave and weep’ is another favourite. I’m always on the hunt for less well-known verse that might strike a chord. Read on.
Charles Preen
Poems by Christina Rossetti, particularly ‘Let me go’ and ‘Remember’ are popular choices at many funerals. Mary Frye’s ‘Do not stand at my grave and weep’ is another favourite.
I’m always on the hunt for less well-known verse that might strike a chord.
I recently came across a short poem by Joyce Grenfell which I think is wonderful. It contains a message about finding ways to cope with grief after losing a loved one.
You’ve just walked on ahead of me
And I’ve got to understand
You must release the ones you love
And let go of their hand.
I try and cope the best I can
But I’m missing you so much
If I could only see you
And once more feel your touch.
Yes, you’ve just walked on ahead of me
Don’t worry I’ll be fine
But now and then I swear I feel
Your hand slip into mine.
Some may think that Pardon Me for Not Getting Up by Kelly Roper would not be appropriate at a funeral but people have very different tastes and I’ve used it with great success and laughter on more than one occasion.
Oh dear, if you’re reading this right now,
I must have given up the ghost.
I hope you can forgive me for being
Such a stiff and unwelcoming host.
Just talk amongst yourself my friends,
And share a toast or two.
For I am sure you will remember well
How I loved to drink with you.
Don’t worry about mourning me,
I was never easy to offend.
Feel free to share a story at my expense
And we’ll have a good laugh at the end.
I recently read J.L. Carr’s novel ‘A month in the country’ which contains a heartfelt passage that might well make for an excellent reading.
‘Ah, those days … for many years afterwards their happiness haunted me. Sometimes, listening to music, I drift back and nothing has changed. The long end of summer. Day after day of warm weather, voices calling as night came on and lighted windows pricked the darkness and, at daybreak, the murmur of corn and the warm smell of fields ripe for harvest. And being young.
If I’d stayed there, would I always have been happy? No, I suppose not. People move away, grow older, die and the bright belief that there will be another marvellous thing around each corner fades. It is now or never; we must snatch at happiness as it flies.’
At the end of a service I’m very fond of using this short poem by Robert Burns.
Epitaph for a Friend
An honest man here lies at rest,
The friend of man, the friend of truth,
The friend of age, the guide of youth;
Few hearts like his, with virtue warm’d,
Few heads with knowledge so inform’d;
If there’s another world, he lives in bliss;
If there is none, he made the best of this.
Finding the right words to use at a funeral service is part of my job and I’m constantly looking for new ways to help a family say goodbye.
Celebrating Shane MacGowan
Every funeral will have a solemn or moving moment. Some will be overtaken by grief and mourning, but increasingly funerals are undergoing a change. A prime example is that of Pogues’ frontman Shane MacGowan.
Charles Preen
Every funeral will have a solemn or moving moment. Some will be overtaken by grief and mourning, but increasingly funerals are undergoing a change. A prime example is that of Pogues’ frontman Shane MacGowan.
No one does death like the Irish, so they say, and Shane’s passing was marked by something resembling a gig more than a traditional funeral mass. It featured a roaring version of Shane’s Fairytale of New York sung by Irish singers Glen Hansard and Lisa O'Neill. Not everyone was happy. The Catholic Herald asked the question: Was Irish bard Shane McGowan let down by his own funeral Mass and by his Church?
The problem for traditional Catholics may be that his funeral resembled a wake rather than a funeral service. Wakes usually takes place after a funeral in a bar, pub, or other public space. Particularly in Ireland, fiddles and drums will appear and the singing will start, just not usually at the church.
For those with little religious affiliation this will seem a moot point, but people now often look at funerals as celebrations of life rather than harrowing ceremonies to be endured.
If someone has lived to a good age, had a good life, and departed with family around them, then a celebration of a life well-lived may be more appropriate. Of course, those close to the deceased will be sad but they may well want to provide a final service that evokes joy and gratitude rather than sorrow.
Everybody should be encouraged to create a service that suits the departed and those who are left behind. There may be wrong ways to run a funeral but there is certainly no right or agreed way to do so. Let joy be unconfined or not if that’s inappropriate. Remember, it’s up to you.
Using music at funerals
Music often plays a central role at funerals. At crematoria there will almost always be music played as you arrive for a service and as you leave. There will also be hymns and music played behind pictures of the deceased. But unless the deceased has made specific provision as to what they would like, how do you choose the right piece of music?
Charles Preen
Music often plays a central role at funerals. At crematoria there will almost always be music played as you arrive for a service and as you leave. There will also be hymns and music played behind pictures of the deceased. But unless the deceased has made specific provision, how do you choose the right piece of music?
A company called Obitus provides the technical ability to stream music, play videos and show pictures at funeral services. They also provide a Top Ten of the most popular pieces of music currently being used. What the music is we’ll get to in a moment and I’m sure you can guess what some of the tunes might be.
But what is top of the charts, what is the Obitus number one? This may come as something of a surprise as the singer is not especially well known, but her story is worth telling.
She was born on 2nd February 1963 and died aged 33 on 2nd November 1996. Although an accomplished singer she was virtually unknown outside her native Washington, D.C. at the time of her death.
Two years later, Terry Wogan started playing her versions of ‘Somewhere over the Rainbow’ and ‘Fields of Gold’ on his Radio 2 show. There was an immediate and overwhelming response from listeners.
Soon afterwards an album ‘Songbird’ was released and went straight to the top of the charts. Her popularity has remained constant and as many of you will know her name is Eva Cassidy. ‘Somewhere over the rainbow’ is number one on the Obitus chart.
Perhaps it’s the story of her life and untimely death that adds resonance to her beautiful take on the song made famous originally by Judy Garland. Her voice has the power to both move and comfort those who listen.
The rest of the Obitus chart currently looks like this:
Frank Sinatra: My Way
Andrea Bocelli & Sarah Brightman: Time to say goodbye
Bette Midler: Wind beneath my wings
Gerry and The Pacemakers: You’ll never walk alone
Vera Lynn: We’ll meet again
Ed Sheeran: Supermarket Flowers
Edward Elgar: Nimrod from Enigma variations
Nat King Cole: Unforgettable
Louis Armstrong: Wonderful World
Just outside the top ten are ‘Bridge over troubled water’ by Simon and Garfunkel and Eric Idle’s ‘Always look on the bright side of life’ for those looking for a slightly less reverent take on funeral music.
Music has an incredible power to console those who have lost a loved one. Choosing the right music should be a pleasure that provides reassurance and joy at an emotional time.